THE PECULIAR ABILITIES AND VULNERABILITIES OF VAMPIRES
ANASHA’S GOODYEAR WARRANTY: 65,000 MILES OR 10,000 YEARS
Greetings, most honored reader!
Welcome again to our strange tale as our heroes confront the masterminds of the mayhem which is Mt. Undenkhark—the immortal and demonic Nosferatu!
There’s nothing like having an old pro on your side in any risky, dangerous endeavor, and fighting vampires is no exception. In one brilliant stroke, the Grey Archer has knocked probably the most powerful piece from the board by putting his arrow bulls-eye blank into Gelmut’s heart!
Indeed, in the old archer the kids have a powerful ally—even now in his old age. But as I mentioned in my report “Character Spotlight Dept: The Grey Archer!,” in his youth he was probably second to none in archery on the entire planet. Then, his arrow would not have missed Anasha’s heart, and he might even have gotten off several shots before she reached him. Alas, time and age—the great levellers of all things. Now that he’s in Anasha’s clutches, there’s probably no hope for him.
And what of his statement, “I’ve already paid the last time I met up with you scum—and you know what? I’m still paying!”? Has G.A. encountered the Nosferatu before sometime in his long career? It is rumored that the archer had a daughter…did he lose her to the Nosferatu? Hmmm…. A question for another day…
As for Anasha, she’s just warming up (eh…please excuse the pun). She’s shrugged off Nikki’s powerful Rings of Ice Spell (so it’s GOODYEAR TIRE: 1: RINGS OF ICE SPELL: 0!). Now even the archer’s clever Molotov Cocktail-like Dragon Cocktail Arrow isn’t slowing her down (though it may be causing her some discomfort).
Indeed, just what are these strange but frightful abilities of the Nosferatu? On one hand, they have awesomely powerful invulnerabilities, yet on the other, some surprising vulnerabilities as well.
To find out, let’s look more closely at this most beautiful but frightening vampire lord, Anasha (if we dare!).
Anasha was born some 378 years earlier into a humble peasant family in a small hamlet on the Lossiyan Empire’s far eastern fringe. Famed as her area’s most outstanding beauty, she was also known for her outstanding ability to “Play in the Hay” with area and passing young males (in-between slopping the pigs, that is). Until one day, a passing handsome dark stranger showed her a little more in the hay than she was used to—his fangs!—and Anasha ran away with this vampire lord, now a vampire herself, to faraway Nosferatiya, far beneath the surface.
She discovered that, like all vampires, she was now endowed with abilities (and vulnerabilities) far beyond those of mere humans. These powers included the following:
- SUPER-STRENGTH: Already a strapping lass used to working on her family farm, Anasha went from being able to press 80 lbs above her head to 800! Later still, as she slowly acquired vampire slaves, her strength doubled further (as per Viczack’s Vampiric Strength formula, as discussed HERE).
- SUPER-SPEED: Upon her transformation, Anasha acquired cobra-like speed and reflexes (the better to reach out and bite you!).
- SUPER-DURABILITY: If a durameter could be applied to the epidermis of a Nosferatu (about as dangerous as holding such an instrument to the above-mentioned cobra), the tester would find Anasha’s skin now had the toughness and durability–roughly–of rubber, allowing her to withstand blows and scrapes that would have earlier have caused her grave injuries. She could withstand cold from roughly 55 degrees below 0 F up to 210 degrees F (though it would no doubt still be most discomforting for her). Gas attacks would no longer harm her, and even electricity would only cause her some harm.
· In addition to this, her bones, joints, ligaments, and organs would acquire this same plastic-like elasticity, allowing her to contort her body to fit into places impossible for a human. Vampires have been known to slither underground through tunnels that no human could fit into, like a snake, and travel this way for many leagues beneath the surface.
· Lastly, due to their powerful but surprisingly light bodies, vampires can fly (or at least glide) using their specially designed flying suits. Indeed, though six feet tall, Anasha now weighs barely 100 lbs, allowing her to use her special flying gown to glide through the air (which is another reason the Nosferatu prefer tall victims when adding to their ranks).
- INFRA- AND ULTRAVISION: Anasha, like all vampires, could now see perfectly at night and in near total darkness.
- RADAR SHRIEK: That which Anasha (and all vampires) cannot see, they can detect using their hideous bat-like radar shriek, which, bouncing off the objects before them, returns to their highly sensitive ears, forming in their minds the shapes before them. Many a brave warrior has shivered in fear, hearing that awful sound deep beneath the surface (so don’t feel bad!).
- REGENERATION: Lastly, as if the above is not enough, vampires have super regenerative abilities, allowing them to recover from wounds and even severed limbs in remarkably short periods of time.
However, Anasha, like all vampires, also acquired the following weaknesses:
* SUNLIGHT: Five to ten minutes under the direct rays of the sun will wither a vampire to dust.
* RUNNING WATER: five to ten minutes under running water will slough away a vampire’s skin and then interior organs, destroying the monster.
* WOODEN STAKES: Lastly, a wooden stake (or arrow, as G.A. was well aware of) placed directly into a vampire’s heart, will stop the flow of the creature’s preserving ichor throughout its body, placing it into a form of stasis as long as the wooden piece remains in place.
It is also worth noting that one can kill a vampire by cutting off its head (but then that works for nearly anything!).
Facing an opponent with such an overwhelming panoply of powers, does the old bowman have a chance? Please join me next week, most honored reader, to find out!
With Cognescentii blessings,