COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU: THE TERRIBLE TRIO!
MEN OF THE MILE-LONG RAP SHEETS
If one was lucky enough (or perhaps I should say unlucky enough) to have lived in the Wyrld somewhere in the Lossiyan Empire, especially its eastern fringes and the adjoining borderlands, during the years of 2447 to 2453, he very probably saw a wanted poster similar to that shown in Figure 1, a wanted poster for the capture of the Terrible Trio. These posters seemed to hang from nearly every coach station in almost every backwater province and district of the Empire.
Like a cloud of locusts, these masters of mayhem , this Terrible Trio, swept across the Wyrld, from as far as the Bossiyan Empire in the West, all the way to the Borderlands in the East. Digging a little deeper into the slime, however, we learn that not all slime balls are the same, as each of our (un)esteemed Trio seemed to have his own specialty in crime. Let’s look deeper (if we dare!).
Our first villain, the Iron Dragon, was the muscle of the group. His wanted posters usually stated the following:
ALIAS: The Iron Dragon
HEIGHT: 6’ 11 ½ “
WEIGHT: 328 Ibs.
“Wanted in 13 provinces of the Empire for the crimes of murder; armed robbery of citizens, the Trans-Lossiyan stage, Imperial banks and post offices; arson in an Imperial prison; perjury; bigamy; deserting his wife and children; robbery; highway robbery; robbing an unknown number of post offices; breaking out of an Imperial Prison; assault and battery of an Imperial officer; capturing and selling of fugitive human, Goblin, and Groc slaves; setting fire to wagon trains; unlawful acceptance of salary and allowance from the Imperial Army, gambling and use of marked dice and cards. Suspect is armed and should be considered extremely dangerous.”
Though not stupid, he was certainly not the brains of the group, as that honor (or dishonor) belonged to—
Our second scumbag, on the other hand, Dr. Phantom, had reached the greatest heights possible, working in the very throne room of the Emperor himself as the (junior) Court Vizier before the good doctor turned his talents to crime. Phantom dabbled more in “white collar” crime than his colleagues, as his posters usually attested:
ALIAS: Dr. Phantom
HEIGHT: 6’ 3”
WEIGHT: 180 Ibs.
“Wanted in 16 provinces and districts of the Lossiyan Empire and in the 9 province-states of the Bossiyan Empire for the crimes of treason to the crown, fraud, forgery, and misrepresentation of financial statements and government documents using mystical means, impersonation , embezzlement, money laundering, counterfeiting, evading arrest, robbery, highway robbery, murder, robbery of the Trans-Lossiyan stage, deserting his wife and children; inciting prostitution; kidnapping; extortion, passing counterfeit money, gambling, and of using marked cards. Suspect should be considered armed and dangerous.”
The last of our villains began as a simple pickpocket on the streets of Khapitalium but worked himself up into the highest circles of organized crime. The Lich’s crimes also sometimes took a more imaginative (if not odd or outright strange) turn, as seen in one of his usual wanted posters:
HEIGHT: 5’ 11”
WEIGHT: 180 Ibs.
“Wanted in 13 provinces and districts of the Empire for the crimes of larceny, petty larceny, theft, burglary, armed robbery, highway robbery, robbery of the Trans-Lossiyan stage, Imperial banks and post offices; smuggling; the theft of sacred objects; arson in an Imperial prison; receiving stolen goods; selling stolen goods; raping a virgin of the human race, and statutory rape of a minor of the Groc race; guilty of using marked cards and loaded dice; passing one hundred spears to a Groc chieftain, supplying weapons to Groc warriors, and misrepresenting himself as a Groc general. Suspect is considered armed and dangerous.”
Sigh…so aren’t you glad, honored reader, that the Terrible Trio won’t be coming to a town near you? But then, most lands have their own Terrible Trio. May your land’s Terrible Trio never bother you.
With Cognescentii blessings,